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Basingstoke beer and lager tales

This page was set up to tell the world about some of the things that have occurred to me, my mates or anyone I know, during the mullered time. What is the mullered time? Well this is the time between closing time and waking up with a massive hangover, wondering what the hell you did last night, until one of your mates helpfully fills you in on what a fool you made of yourself. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, but you know who you are. 

1. The strange smell



Clean that sofa!

Mr. X was out on the works Christmas party when at the end of the night everyone decided to go on to a nightclub. As the party walked towards the club, Mr. X spotted a weeping willow tree. Great, he thought, a chance to do a Tarzan impression. Unfortunately the tree wasn't up to Mr. X's weight and the branch snapped leaving Mr. X flat on his back. He got back up and continued on to the club, as they stood in the club everyone remarked on the strange smell emanating from Mr.X, blaming it on his bowel movements. Mr. X went home, sat down and watched some telly, then went to bed. In the morning when he awoke, and went to the living room, the source of the smell was discovered. Mr. X had landed in Dog's muck, then sat down at home and his sofa was now covered in it. 
2. The wardrobe


Mr. Y went out one Friday night and got well mullered on lager, returning home he found his wife was already in bed, so he got in beside her. During the night, however, he felt the call of nature and got up to go to the toilet. Unfortunately in his drunken state the "toilet" turned out to be the vacuum cleaner, the wife was not best pleased. 
3.The pizza


Mr. X was out on the town in Basingstoke one night indulging in a few too many beers. At the end of the night he decided to walk home alone, he didn't make it. In the morning he awoke in a farmers field covered in mud with a half eaten Domino's pizza lying on his chest.
4. The neighbour



Mr. X got drunk one night and feeling tired decided to call on his sister and get a lift home at well past midnight. Unfortunately he couldn't remember her house number, but judged which house she lived in by the position her car was parked in. Unknown to him, his sister hadn't been able to park outside her house that night and had parked outside the nieghbours house. Mr. X rang the bell and the neighbour answered. Where's my sister he asked, the neighbour didn't know. Mr. X continued to argue until the neighbour shut the door on him. Turning to leave a bit to quickly Mr.X was sick all over the neighbours car. Mr. X couldn't visit his sister for a year, until the neighbour had moved, for fear of being recognized.
5. The wife


A right telling off

Mr. Z went out for a lads night out, leaving his wife at home. At the end of the night Mr. Z was out of his tree. When he got home he decided not to wake his wife and slipped in beside her. When he woke up in the morning he was lying in the bath and his wife wasn't talking to him. He eventually found out that in the middle of the night he had been sick all over his wife. It took a long time, and many gifts, before his wife forgave him.
6. The stairs Mr. A went to stay for a while at a friends house, during which period they went out for a booze up. They returned home and went to their beds. Mr. A needed the loo in the middle of the night. After he had finished he returned to bed. Unfortunately, in his drunken state he forgot where he was. Thinking he was at home he turned right, the direction of his bedroom in his own house. Unfortunately, in his friends house, this was the stair well. He fell down the stairs and ended up with a very large black eye and a lot of explaining to do to everybody the next day.

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